When I was twelve or thirteen, my parents came home from what felt like a spiritual revival for families. They’d just returned from one of Bill Gothard’s weeklong Basic Youth Conflicts seminars; those massive evangelical events that could fill entire stadiums in the 1970s and early 80s. They brought back binders, books, games, and a […]
We’ve become a culture of shortcuts. Quick dopamine hits instead of slow growth. Virtual affection instead of human touch. Excuses instead of effort. And while some substitutes come from heartbreak or loss and deserve compassion, others are chosen out of fear, laziness, or comfort. Let me start with empathy. Not everyone has access to what
Stop Accepting Substitutes Read More »
There’s a certain kind of phrase that rolls off the tongue easily when we don’t know what to say. “Everything happens for a reason.” “God has a plan.” “This must be part of something bigger.” They’re meant to soothe, but too often, they wound. I’ve sat with people who lost a child, who were betrayed
The Cruelty of Comforting Lies Read More »
I’ve spent much of my life teaching, counseling, and raising kids of my own, and one thing I keep noticing is how often the best of our intentions lead us in the wrong direction. We step in to protect or advocate, certain that we’re doing the right thing, only to realize later that our “help”
When Helping Hurts Read More »
When I was about fourteen or fifteen, I decided it was finally time to shave. My face only had a little peach fuzz, but I’d watched my dad for years and figured I knew what to do. I opened the medicine cabinet, found his old safety razor, the kind you twisted at the bottom so
Shaving With Dull Blades Read More »
We’ve all heard the mantra: No means no. And in the world of dating, power dynamics, and preventing abuse, it should always mean exactly that: clear, firm, non-negotiable. No one should ever have to wonder if their boundaries will be respected. But here’s the twist: in long-term, committed relationships, intimacy doesn’t always move in straight
No Means No… Sometimes. Read More »
When I think about what really holds a family, a community, even a society together, I always come back to values. Not the cultural signals that come and go with the times, but the steady truths that endure across centuries. Take honesty. No society admires deceit as a virtue. The same goes for kindness, generosity,
When Values Outlast Identity Read More »
When I first started as a Child Protective Investigator in Arizona in the early 1990s, cultural competency training was still in its infancy. I went into those sessions eager to learn. I wanted to be responsive, respectful, and effective in my work. But what I encountered was something very different from what I had hoped
Cultural Competence or Cultural Stereotyping? Read More »